Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Wildlife Report, Rowing Version

Genus: Boneheaded Boat Operators Overall appearance: often wearing sunglasses, seldom wearing life preserver, usually only one hand on the wheel because the other has a beverage in it, skin colouration: deep mahogany unless recently arrived in which case various shades of pink to red. As the genus appears to be totally male, researchers wonder how they reproduce themselves. There is a large question as to the necessity of these animals and they are considered in many quarters as one of God(de)'s less satisfactory creations along with ticks, rattlesnakes, and oil company engineers who think deep drilling in the Arctic is "manageable". There are to be several species/subspecies which appear in overlapping habitat and not always cooperatively.

Species: I Don't Need to Have a Human Spotter Because There's Never Anyone Out On the Lake When I Take People Skiing, Subspecies: But I'll Bring the Dog Along Because the Dog Likes Boat Rides.

Species: Oh Look, There's Another Boat, I'll Make Loops Around Them Because I'm Big and Fast, Subspecies: Why Is That Woman Waving At Me With Only One Finger?

Species: I'll Take Off From the Dock at Full Speed So Everyone Will Know I Have Lots of Power, Subspecies: That Boat With All Those Oars Shouldn't Be In My Way

In the interest of survival, further close observations will be forced upon researchers.

I prefer the eagles, ospreys, herons, and especially the mama mallard who showed us what boneheads we were for going out on the water a couple of days ago.
Rowing Rule #153: If Mama Mallard is right beside the rowing shells all fluffed out over her babies, rowing is not advised.

Metre high swells are really, really impressive, especially at the bottom of their troughs.

Still breathing


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