Friday, May 12, 2006

Universal truths

I do read several other bloggers/writers/post-ers. I read them for information and (mostly) for the laughs. It is reassuring to read that (a) I am not the only nutcase on the tree and (b) that some truths are universal.

This week's universal truth is: there are still some people in the world who, despite the calendars which now appear in August for the following year (called "16 Month" calendars if you can fathom it - why not for TWO years at a time and be done with it? and why not start with calendars that start at random months? why not one that starts in July which is really the beginning of the New Year if one is in the Antipodes??) Ahem...

Right, as I was saying, despite calendars and their ready availability, despite the advertising media and its omnipresent insidiousness, and despite the fact that every single one of us arrived here courtesy of the womb and some woman dealing with not being able to see her feet for several months not to mention a lot of other unmentionables (semi-family blog and proper upbringing rising rampant), despite all that,

there are STILL some people who think that the Friday before Mothers' Day (that would be this Sunday in Canada) is plenty of time to make a lunch or dinner reservation.

You know who you are and, from a person who has two offspring with food bizness experience, let me give you this word or two of advice: IF you should be so lucky as to score a table, an enormous tip (that would be a minimum of 25%, you twits) would be a very good idea. Oh, and leave all your "I love my family, I just don't like them very much" crap at home. A once a year restaurant visit does not make up for a whole year (?lifetime?) of not getting along. Best manners, dress-up clothes, NO BALL CAPS.

On second thought: give your mum a break and buy her a good bottle of gin/scotch/rye, put her name on it, make a card like in pre-school with a certificate for a meal next weekend and honour it. Same advice about tipping applies. And a spa certificate (or a car detailing or an unfettered trip to plant nursery/yarn store/sailing loft- you figure it out) would be good.

One more thing: according to all the calendars in this house, dates for birthdays and other days of giftage haven't changed which means, as of Sunday, a few of you have only 6 months to get it together.


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