Friday, November 10, 2006

New Additions to the Resume

Good morning, Ms W. Thank you for coming in today. We understand that you have some skills in which we may be interested. Would you like to tell us about them?

Thank you for inviting me here today. Yes, indeedy, in addition to the usual skills of life and a former work history in the "human resources" (aka personnel in the Olden Days) and teaching, I have recently acquired some new skills. Let me summarize: in June, I learned how to interpret what ICU staff really mean when they use ICUspeak. I also learned that pitching a fit in the middle of an ICU will often get results unexpected such as co-operation and, finally, some co-ordination of care when there has been no one willing to do so for a multiply traumaed patient aka my Dearest Man. Therefore, I am adding Fit Pitching to my resume and skill set. Fit Pitching, done properly, (i.e., quietly menacing voice, fists tightly clenched in the pockets, and freezing cold logic) is an effective tool in my new life.

Which brings me to my recent experiences: The Removal of The Indigent B-I-L Tenant. For those of you who knew Himself, please think of his exacle polar opposite and there you will have the b-i-l: can we say irresponsible, totally self-centred, and disrespectful??? Yes, we can. This character would be comic if he wasn't also into the estate for $45K+. There is a lot up with which I will put. Disrespect to my husband and children is not one of them. Do not be disrespectful and do not (under any circumstances but most particularly recently) pissmeoff.

These are the new items for the resume:
Waiting on the Phone for ResidentialTenancyOffice (average time: 57 minutes - excellent knitting time);
Chasing Out Ministry of Housing Staff When RTO Staff Hang Up On Me (av time: 6 minutes, see Fit Pitching technique above and add this phrase: "...I don't want to have to go to The Press about this...");
Hiring Eviction Staff Over the Phone including Paying by Bank Draft with Their Transit Numbers (staff hired: process servers: 1, bailiffs: 2; local bankers bemused: 2);
Renting Dumpsters ("A 40 yard roll-off in the driveway tomorrow at 0900 to be picked up at 1300 and replaced with a 25 yard. Thanks");
Interviewing Realtors (ummm, maybe that's a whole separate post.....);
Coping With a Schwackload of Testosterone (at last count: 2 bailiffs, 8 movers, 4 handyguys, 1 building inspector, 4 realtors, 1 "developer", 1 arborist. Skills required: breathing deeply, donut purchasing, not crying (much and only in the corner), story telling, small Fit Pitching including foot stampage.)
Recognizing That The Time Has Come To "Get the Heck Outta Dodge" (Precipitating Action/Realization required: phone calls, phone calls with messages left, phone calls missed, phone calls, phone calls, phone calls, combined with overwhelmage by the magnitude of the project. Action taken: Removal of self from rental front to the home front for regrouping and re-focusing and perhaps a bit of TLC of said self)

which I am now doing. Himself's Former Family Home is now empty of all save memories. It has been a heart and gut-wrenching several months and last week's eviction and 65 cubic yard clearout was like the peeling back of the wraps on a long festering wound. There is still so much to do......

And yet: Every day, deer walked through my life - including the buck who showed up at TimHortons while I was listening to a realtor's pitch. The sudden silence in that space while he ambled across the parking lot, up the berm, across the highway (after looking both ways) and into the bush by the railway tracks, that sudden exhalation of held breath as he disappeared.....

Thank You for your time.

You're welcome. We are looking forward to seeing you again.

Still breathing.....


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